I understand how you felt because I have felt the same way as well for the uncontrollable and exorbitant gas fees of Ethereum. There was a time that I am frustrated because my ERC20 token with big value didn’t arrive for hours, and I am scared that it will be lost forever. Good thing I have researched hard on Youtube about cancelling my transaction. I forgot about the exact video which was years ago, but it did helped and my ERC20 token reflected back to my wallet. I have no choice back then but to increase gas fees as recommended by the network that time and it finally went through to the exchange and successfully converted to USDT.
Not only you, I have the same problem.
High gas fee is always become our night mare, We suffered.
I have loss because too late to sell my coins when pump because lack of gas fee.
Ethereum team also launched Ethereum 2.0, But didn't have good solution for this problem.
Why ? I don't know.
Better to wait or choose other smart contract platform.